i have to post this for the sake of posting it before end of the week.
typically i love posting stuff more often when i’m inspired or motivated by some form of food for thought.
well as the situation calls for it i shall then.
Knapp’s model.
interestingly enough i don’t recall any mention of the word love inside the book or maybe it was my selective reading that left it out. regardless, as most of us might think or suggest that love is abstract and it is not something that can be put into words which might be one of the possible reasons it is not in the textbook.
the thing of interest to me is knapp’s model is simply putting into words and stages of the interpersonal bond or connection between 2 parties. i believe that life with someone else is so much more than 10 stages.
it should be 10.1.
no i’m just being lame here.
i know that most of you who have talked about knapp’s model talk about going through the different stages including the dissolution part. that’s amusing to me. not that i mean any disrespect but rather what purpose does it serve that you know which stage you aare undergoing. are you going to take a notebook or make a mental note on oh ok i’m reaching that stage where i should trying some light physical contact.
no right.
this is for educational purposes most of you are going to say so shawn why are you talking about it.
i agree. so i shall get into the topic. which is Shawn’s Model.
Stage 1 – Screening
we are on the lookout for who we think is interesting or looks attractive or is intellectual enough. basically someone we might dig.
Stage 2 – Approach
we find some lame ways to initiate a form of communication with them. be it trying to get their msn, facebook, phone number or whatever other lines of contact they might have.
Stage 3 – The Fumble
(just in case some of you were wondering, this is more directed at guys)
most of us or some of us or i do not know how politically correct i should be, fumbles because of a simple reason. they are unable to stimulate some form of attraction in girl. they are unengaging. funny perhaps, but have a strong tendency to drop into the ‘we are close friends’ loophole.
of course there are the experienced ones who know how to display higher social value.
and girls who are reading this, stop lying to yourselves.
biologically it has been proven that women are attracted to guys who have a higher status. be it for materialistic reasons, genetically provoking reasons (by this i mean a really hot bod) or whatever. i shall not elaborate because if i do this is going to eat into 4000 words.
Stage 4- GOAL
this is the part where the hedonistic people live for.
copulation. i apologize to those who feel that i am generalizing that getting attached means you are going to end up sleeping together.
problem being chances are in this modern age, this happens and i’ll be fair there might be a fair bit of you who really do not practise such an act but if you notice, times are changing.
i once heard someone say “marriage is legalized prostituition”. sweet.
NOT THAT I PARTICULARLY APPROVE OF IT.
here comes the fun part. breaking up.
Stage 6 – Polarization
for whatever reasons you people want to tell yourselves about breaking up. logic, for the greater good or what, the simple fact is that you all just didn’t feel for each other enough to see any reason to stay together.
Stage 7 – Goodbye
this generally is the part where either the guy crys, the girl crys, both of them cry or both of them don’t cry and find other people which i think is highly respectable in the way they adapt and return to their neutral state without harping on the past.
curiously, breakup these days are bloody convenient. seems like an sms or an msn conversation is all it takes to end a relationship.
what happened to the good old days of writing letters, burning photos, trying to stab each other with a knife (reference to Fatal Attraction).
if anyone of you actually read through all of that dumb stuff and at the end of it come out thinking my god shawn is an idiot, egoisitic, narcissitic, retarded or whatever other devil terms you can conjure to describe me.
i only have this to say.
did i ever mention the word love in the 6 stages of my model even once.
YEAH MAN!
I wanna share my experience with fumble.. I guess if whoever you initiated contact with doesnt reciprocrate the same feelings towards you despite whatever you have, its better to find someone else who likes you for who you really are. The best you can do for yourself is to talk to other girls who just might like you.There are BILLIONS of remarkable women on this planet waiting to meet you. Why be hung up on one who got away? i believe you call it the one-itis syndrome.
I could type out a 5000 word essay on it. But it would most certainly stop your show.
no really, if all women were attracted to men who have higher statuses or sizzling hot bods, i should believe many ladies out there are probably gonna stay single for the rest of their lives. that’s if they really are that materialistic or shallow.
now, is that a stereotype, no?
it is a stereotype and generalization no doubt about it.
though if you noticed, bird of the same feather flock together, divorce rates are up, people are getting married later.
coincidence?
perhaps.
or i may be just conveniently associating things.
i don’t know if many will agree with me but aren’t singaporeans regardless of the male or female gender are becoming more and more materialistic and in a certain sense becoming more shallow.
of course it’s just a point of view to trigger discussion.
6 stages.
Stage 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 (?), 7 (??). Huh?
LOL, anyway, your Fumble stage could have sent me into a downward spiral of depression…after all, 我(哇)只不过是个身无分文的男人. (Me am a guy with nothing to his name…correct translation boh~?) But then again, there’s always the alternative of becoming a monk…hmmm…
Anyway, interesting model you have thought up. Though it can be argued that exceptions do exist, but yet, your model also reflects the norm in modern society to a certain extent. =D
*thumbsup* for another mind-boggling (??) post.
well i think that the model is true to a certain extend…because it also consist some of your own personal perception that may not be true to others. By the way, why is your stage 5 missing?
shawn’s model. i like the sound of it. u’re my showstopper man. LOL.
anyway, i guess your model does aptly describe the current social situation. it does get depressing though, when you see someone, particularly your own self, fall into the ‘we’re just really good friends’ category. sometimes you put in so much effort, but there are no returns at all. failed investments. LOL.
it’s true that break ups are ‘convenient’ now. but there is more than one way to kill a chicken (tai kway. LOL.) somebody i know chooses to ignore. a friend of mine sent an email to break up with his ex. not the best, nor is it the nicest way, but hey, at least there’s no face to face confrontation.
i can just picture the scene the girlfriend would cause if they were to break up at a public place. but maybe that’s a form of personal prejudice in itself. scripting. lol.
i will admit that my model is based on the many observations i make, the experiences i’ve been through, and of course, the word of mouth.
exceptions exist everywhere to any rule.
the point i’m trying to carry across is that you do not need to harp on failures of the heart. you move on with life no matter how difficult it is. i’m simply illustrating that such things are so common. you just pick yourself up and move on. instead of sending yourself into a downward spiral. that simply goes to show a lack of self-esteem.
and you’re simply illogically validating the opposite party.
i admit the post may be slightly sexist and it is meant for guys.